*urgh* I fell flat on the ground today again.
Hurt both my knees and two little toes. *darn*
I'm born with soft, wobbly legs.
Who loves falling down and scarring themselves anyway?
I wished I could change a new left leg.

***********************

Met up with Jo today. Finally! I missed her soooo much.
She looks so hot now. Dyed hair, curls.. whoa. I never knew she could be this gorgeous.
She looks happier. Funky. A real woman.

I love the Jo now. It's terrible I know, but I'm behind her in whatever decisions she make.
She kept too many things under cover for his sake way too long and too much.
They're getting an annulment.

He's garnering pity votes but he's not telling the full story. He knows his mom is intervening way too much.
He continues keeping silent. Not a good move.

I understand why she doesn't come for cell grp. We should just leave her alone. She's happy. She will be back when the time is right.
I respect her.

I realised I'm an 80% feminist. I don't think that's Christian. I wonder what would Jesus do.

Freedom & Happiness? or Suppressed & Hurt?

***********************
I don't understand why he has to blog about acting being sleazy.
Didn't we talk about it already? Didn't he say he is okay?
If he really was, would he still whine about it on his blog?
I'm upset.

***********************
Jo asked if I think that there is someone (guy) out there who will be fully supportive of everything I do... I'm still thinking...

She says there is. Somewhere out there.

***********************
Praxis play is starting to pick up. We had 2 hour evening rehearsal. Things looked way better than when we first started.

I'm happy.

***********************

Take 5

Now I know blogs have a therapeutic effect. It de-stresses me because it allows me to rant and rattle. =)

I didn't know the datelines are drawing so near.. no one sent me anything to compile yet. Shoot. Neither have I gotten down to do my part. Crap. Rehearsals. Urgh.

Just as I was feeling stressed, I remembered Ivy's blog.. it was nice. then I went on to Huimin's blog.. and now, I think I need to blog too! :)

********************************************************************

I went for filming today. Haha.. supporting role as lionel puts it. (nice name for KALEFARE).

Crew overslept, so Lionel brought Primero and I together with Carol to Hougang void deck. Told us what to do, hung around and then when filming started, people started gathering and staring. Urgh. How uncomfortable.

As if he has read my mind, Prim whispered and told me to keep calm, be natural, we can't flick the onlookers away but we can be in our own world. Nice advice. Things went well. The taxi scene was cool... the camera was rigged in the cab held by some suction equipment against the windscreen and lionel sat at the front while the action took place behind. (no.. no exciting stuff.. it's just THE apology scene). And the whole thing ended in 4hours. Fast. I hope I look ok.. muahaha... short film will be screened Mar 2007. (Frankly, I think Prim and I got 2 seconds of fame only. We laughed about it, but still it's the experience that counts).

###########################################

Frankly, I would like to clarify that to whoever thinks Prim is an irritating freak in Singapore Idol, I would like to be the first to vouch for him that he is all time Mr Nice Guy. Shocking truth - He's Married!!! Gosh! At 24, he's happily married for a year! We talked about it before sleepy crew made their way to the venue, and my impression of him took a 360 degrees turn.

He said he loves his wife alot. After dating for 4 years he thought that she's the right one for her and married her. What kept them together are little goals they set from time to time; like saving up to get a coffee table this month, then a dining table next month. He feels there's no point in playing with other girls since he could be putting his life and career in jeopardy. He still parties like mad now but he feels that all these are just social events to widen his contacts, ultimately he will return home for dinner with his wife. Orrrh.. how sweet
(I think he said more stuff, but i just can't remember now)

He did shock me with his marriage, but gave me a different perspective to tying the knot. However, I still feel that I'm not ready for one anytime soon. I still need to get more stuff done first. =)

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Affected?

I don't know. After chancing upon Kevin's blog, looking at Anjana's first musical.. I'm left to wonder.. am I happy for them or am i envious and jealous?

He sings and writes well, and she acts really well. Even my other Nanda just finished his week long of SRT's performance and Hid is beginning her melayu production at Esplande next month.

I started to think, I am really affected. I begin to think, where am I today? I'm still a struggling student... unsure of my directions. Sitting here hoping opportunities will rain from the heavens.

In the industry I'm about to step in, it's either you in or you're out. There's no chance to be in a liminal space. It's a rat race.

Pastor Kow preached on LIVING A BALANCED LIFE just this sunday. He said ' Is it worth being in a rat race? In the end you're still a rat.'

It's hilarious. But then again, we're all rats today isn't it? What he said, was it meant to be Christian? Or self-consolation? Because you THINK you can never win in a rat race you start to think you don't want to be a rat in the rat race. Does that change your life forever? Does it stop you from being a winning rat because you have never the guts to be one?

I'm afraid. I don't want to lose, neither do I want to be un-Christian.

Maybe that's why I cannot stop jumping at chances. I need to do something in everything.

-- a shocking self-revelation today

Surprise finding

I was surfing through the web and happen to chance upon the page of Singapore Musical Theatre festival. Surprised to see some really cool musicals I actually missed in June this year.

A bigger surprise was that my current TS classmate was in the cast of 4V and also another friend who was the composer of the music. Whoa. But in particular, this guy composer friend, Kevin, someone I knew back in SPCCC. It was such weird link.. some media comm frens got him to compose songs for their video and when I first heard the song (haven't seen him), I thought, 'whoa this guy is great. Vocals, music... yadayada'

Then, I saw him I thought, 'ok, not the weird looking composers I thought he would be'. haha

And now, I chanced upon his music again - PUNKD. Do check it out. He wrote it himself. Beautiful.

Final Shot

Today was crazy but fun & cool! To end off the 10 week long hosting class with Irene, we had an outdoor shoot done with compliments by Lionel, a local director (super nice guy). Two tv hosting shoots, a formal and a crazy one.

5 of us took about 3 hrs and of course I did bring my camera to snap some pics. Not a lot, but enough for memories. (too bad raven & stephanie ain't here, they're really pretty models and I have been wanting to snap their pics)

A green rose among two weeds

(left: Rosie Phua, Endi, right: Primero)

Group Shot (half of the class)

(Left: Rosie Phua, Lionel, Me, Alvina, Endi, Primero, Seow Leng & Shu Lin)

The people are really nice. Irene's great too! Unfortunately she couldn't join us as she's busy in Phuket. The edited version will be screened at Club 95 on Nov 13. :) Gross.

I look so freaking fat on tv. I told Primero I think I need to get a slimming endorsement first. Hahah...

I can't forget him...

I met him a few months ago, by coincidence. I fell in love with him at first sight... he was so... cute. I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I went back to his shop to find him. He was no longer there... I think, someone must have.....

I don't know his name, but all i know is that, he is not a singaporean. I think he's an Australian...

Haha.. what were you thinking of? It's him. A Japanese Spitz. he was only three months old when i saw him at holland V. he's the quietest boy in the shop. Stubby legs and a small body... I wished I could've hugged him.

He costs S$2088 and i know it's beyond my means to own him.

But he was THAT cute. I liked him because he didn't yelp at all, neither did he seeked attention from every customer. He's so quiet. pretty different from the information I got about his family.

"The Japanese Spitz is a high-spirited, intelligent, and playful dog, which is alert and obedient. This bold little dog is a good watchdog and will alert its owners when it feels it is necessary. This breed learns quickly and really enjoys agility and playing games of catch with balls or Frisbees. This happy dog is usually good with children and usually gets along well with other dogs and household pets. The Japanese Spitz is, in spirit, a big dog in a little dog's body. This tough little dog acts as a house protector and guardian. The Cheerful, bold, proud and affectionate toward its masters, but like all Spitz-type dogs, most are suspicious of strangers and will bark at new people until they get to know them."

I liked the description about it. All the adjectives well described the kind of dog I love.

Ivy asked me recently if had a pet, would I send it for spa.

I said, "If I have the means, i will".

I mean it. I think they deserve what humans have. They also need to be treated like one because of the companionship they provide us. If I am getting one, I would factor in the cost for food, haircut, a small little bed, training lessons at schools... etc. anything I would give a child.

Hm.. I think i will make a great owner next time. That's because I like animals more than I like kids.

Thursdays

I hate Thursdays. I hate Praxis. I hate G.Chew. I hate projects. I hate school of biz. I hate myself.

*Gosh* and this list could just go on forever.

Frankly, as much as I am enjoying this semester of full theatre mods, I am so hoping that within a blink of an eye, it’s the hols again. But obviously, God never passed me the remote to zap my life away. I think He forgot to.

Praxis was extremely bad. As if I was not dreading the play production, Gerald Chew had to crash my whole team today. He claims he doesn’t understand our play. He sounded angry, but with his SORT OF tried-very-hard-british-accent, it was hard to decipher his tone. He had a point to thrash our play. I think our presentation didn’t make any sense either. But with just 3 weeks away from the actual performance, I just felt so screwed left right centre in and out. The group isn’t working hard enough either. They don’t see a need for a director, maybe that’s why things are still in a jumble.

After Praxis today, I felt like a total mess. Went to Ryan’s place thinking I’m gonna to pluck all his hair or dig his eyeballs out if he dares provoke me. He was surprisingly in a good mood and I didn’t want to let my mood get the better of me, so I just joked, played and did work together with him. Somehow after lesson, I felt relieved temporarily. (God surely uses the weirdest and the most unexpected people at the right time to cheer me up.)

Woes of my Boyfriend

I had to be fair. It’s not easy being a guy either, at least, not mine. A lot of my guy friends who know me really well never fail to remind me how lucky I am to be stuck with this guy for 4 yrs. They said that he must have quite a good temper. Unfortunately, no. But I would say, he was very tolerant.

With so many things on my mind lately, an aching body (no thanks to the monthly visitation of Big Aunt), my temper is none the better.

I don’t want to appear to be whining about the same old stuff, so I’ve conveniently replaced all my thoughts with a single word, “Tired”. He does pisses me off with “Tired again?”, but then again, it’s my fault due to my laziness I left the waffle-minded man thinking how can someone be tired after 5 hours of sleep.

Definition of Tired – Aileen’s Dictionary

1. I’ve Backache, headache, handache
2. I’m stressed about schoolwork, projects, tests
3. Don’t want to think about my problems
4. I don’t know where to start sharing
5. I’m not telling you things in detail in case you get bored and start to ask questions that pisses me off
6. I’ve got a problem and no one can help solve it
7. I lack sleep
8. I’m sick of everything, so just don’t ask anymore
9. I’m tired
10. I’m really tired
11. I’m really really tired, as in sleep deprived…..

SO…

Solutions:
Leave me alone
Let me go sleep

See.. tough being stuck with me right? That’s precisely why I hate myself sometimes. I wish I had the energy of Superman who could work as a reporter in the day and then fly to rescue the world in the night. That guy sure doesn’t need to sleep….

Woes of a Woman

Men will never understand women. I cannot agree more. Simply because they do not go through the pains women endure.

Menstrual Pains
Mood Swings – Sometimes even women do not know they are experiencing it. We feel like crying at the slightest thing, throw tantrums at the most trivia things, and laugh at the weirdest moments.
(Men thinks we’re terrible, spoilt, crazy, incomprehensible brats)

Cramps, Leg & Back Aches, Bloatedness, Loss of Appetite – Cramps can last for a short while to a day or two, lower part of our body tend to ache a lot and we just feel so fat and full
(Men thinks we’re using cramps as excuses from exercising, moving around and hears us complaining about aches and throw their hands in exasperation at our pains.. ‘Not again!’ they’ll cry ‘why your back always hurt huh??’)

Fatigue – Women will constantly hang the word ‘Tired’ on their lips, but in truth guys fall into a deep sleep faster than women.
(Seriously, what do the men know? ‘Tired’ means a thousand things to me)

Childbirth
The pain of carrying a 2-3kg growing ball in your belly is terrible enough. You can’t sit, walk, and stand properly. Endure kicking from the unborn brat as well. Then you have to go through hours of labour, perspiration, blood, screaming, pain pain and more pain.

(What do men know about all these? If only they get to try giving birth, I bet they’ll faint at the pain)

∴Men just needs to continue giving in to the ladies out there. You don’t really need to understand us because we know you will never. You’ve done a good job handling our tantrums, so just stay that way. But remember, when we start acting crazy it could be any of the above reasons.

-------------------------------------------------------
I still find the fact that men are occupying more train seats, appalling. Disgusting. A row of ten seats can be filled up by 7 men. It’s becoming a more common sight. Do men really need those seats?

Why did God give men more strength? Bigger build, one more rib, more muscles, bigger heart, bigger organs, and broader shoulders? No relation to my previous question? Maybe not. Why are women made smaller sized than men by nature? Why are men’s arms longer than ours? So do men really need those train seats more than women?

梦幻之爱

新娘18岁 - 梦幻之爱
A song that reminds me of a snowy Christmas. 2 months 6 days more... I wish I could go back to London where I holidayed for 1 month there. Beautiful, snowy and nice.... .....

Time of the Year

All students live in a vicious cycle.

15 weeks of fun, slack, rush, project, lectures, tutorials, exams... and the cycle repeats in 6 semesters. Frankly, I think it's not cool. It's really just pure stress, late nights, gallons of caffeine and bottles of eye serum.

For the first time in my life, I'm actually doing my readings. Yes, even I myself find it surprising, Ivy had to question me for two consecutive nights if I was preparing for tests or assignments or tutorials. *gosh* I told her she should just go buy lottery - seeing me at my desk for no 'special reason' was indeed a rare sight. But somehow I felt it was too late. I'm so behind my readings and too late to be disciplined. haha..

With less than 2 weeks to my major play and 4 due projects and less than 6 weeks to my exams, I AM really afraid.. worst, I don't know where to start.

I received my Asian theatre mid term test back today, got 42/50 for MCQ & A- for the essay section. It was indeed a blessing (though many I saw received scores in the same range). The module I dreaded most (given its very historical context) turned out to be somewhat a very encouraging subject. Dr Shen was especially helpful and generous with his praises (he sure know the right way to make his students good). He praises us to the heavens at every suggestion we give. haha.

Well.. now, I wished I were a working adult. Not a mugging student.

Are You Gorgeous?

Keryn asked what I thought of plastic surgery today. I laughed. I was never against it and in fact, I was thinking of it. A lot.

I could tell you what kind of double eyelid surgeries Singapore's famous Plastic Surgeon, Dr. W.Woooo is offering and how much it cost and that Korea has a building called the BK Clinic that houses hundreds of plastic surgeons. And that's because I've been checking these out since the beginning of this year. Ya, I was thinking if one day you guys hear me going to Korea, I would return looking like someone else.

Maybe, I'm not prepared to finish my savings that's why I'm still the same old me. Spilling my thoughts on this topic and revealing my intentions to you guys are big moves for me. But because I chanced upon an article in a Christian Magazine - WildAboutYou. I hope that this article will touch your hearts just as it did for me.

"Have you ever asked yourself, Does anyone see me? Will anyone ever call me gorgeous? Maybe you've bought into the lie that you'll never be pretty enough, tall enough, smart enough, unique enough, or important enough.

You look at everyone around you and think, There's no way I can compete.

But here's some great news: The God who slung the stars across heavens... whose very breath gives life.. that God, the Kind, has always been taken with you. He thinks you're gorgeous. In fact, He is absolutely wild about you!

When God looks at you, He sees all the beauty He created. He sees every potential. Every gift. He loves the curly hair that you wish were straight. He loves your smile and the shape of your nose. He's crazy about big feet and wobbly knees and every curve you wish would go away. He loves the inside and the outside of you. After all, you were His idea! You are physically and emotionally BEAUTIFUL to Him."

Listen, O Daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's house. The king is enthralled by your beauty; honour him, for he is your Lord. ~ Psalm 45:10-11

No, I'm not thinking of double eyelids, sharper nose or flatter tummy.. I think it's unfair to change the way I look just because I think I am ugly. That's so disrespectful and practically an insult to God's masterpiece.

Keeping fit is fine, not obsession with being skinny.
(don't worry guys, I will never starve myself. Food is my 2nd love after God.. hahaha... )


Cheers,
the one who thinks she's fat, flabby, short, single eyelided, button nosed girl but who is thankful she has a perfect face!

Misunderstood

Lately, I've been busy with tuition and stuff and thinking about a lot of stuff.
I realised my priority at Uni level is so different. While some fac mates are so enthusiatic about their CCAs, I'm off working and doing other stuff.

I didn't want to be in any CCA but was dragged into NES. But now, being such horrendously inactive member, I realised it was on the last of my priority list. I tried telling RZ about it, explained that my priority is Church, cell group, volunteer work... he din quite get it. Said to just devoted a day of my month. Booked me for 28th for a competition. Dreadful. I only managed a "hm.... k".

He's so overly enthusiatic, getting excited, making people feel excited. I feel like a snail dragged by a rabbit.

Urgh.

Jap Dory Curry Rice *burp*

Ah.. I love Jap Curry. It's not hot, but thick and rich. I just had The Deck's Jap Curry Dory with Keryn. Gorgeous, fantastic, yummy. We ordered the same one and I swore I had more rice slapped on my plate than hers.

It's my 3rd time eating, and everytime halfway through, I wished I hadn't buy it. It's so filling, I just wanted to roll and burp out of the canteen. But surprising, both of us cleaned ours plates and were perspiring like mad. I like eating with Ker & YY, though yy eats so much faster, but I realised none of them hardly leaves a pile of rice of food untouched. I hate girls who buy food they can't finish. Gosh, then stick to salad.. no one's going scold you if you starved, but to waste, that's a sin. (Children in the 3rd world country are dying of starvation & here you throw food away).

My life's back to normal again, school, projects, lectures, tutorials and meetings. Boring..

I just pretty stucked now, thinking of deferring one sem otherwise I have to take play prod next sem with the year threes of stay one more sem just to finish one module and pay the same amount. Sigh... will ask the dean's office then.

Long week!

Mid-sem break is over.. it doesn't even feel like a break at all!

I had to go back to school twice in that week plus I have been procrastinating my assignment for voice prod. But the weekend was fun but tiring. Paul asked me to help host this event by MAKE up for Ever at Scotts and I did it for 3 whole days under the sun, the rain and the tent. 11am to 8pm. That's amazing~

Though the pay was really dirt cheap for a host, I really did liked it. I get to meet people, played around with the sound system and it was a good experience gained.

huimin, paul, jo, kev and yoon hee popped by the event and the girls got their make over done for free. Mom & Dad went as well. I think it was very encouraging for my very first event that they all went down. My fav boy was there for three days with me. Haha.. silly one. But he was really supportive. Thanks sweetie! (As usual, ivy promised to be there but put my aeroplane. Stupid woman)

I dunno, but initially I felt a little embarassed to tell people I'm doing hosting. That's why I didn't tell some of you. (Sorry!). But I just felt weird. Cuz Im not good yet, and then if I tell, there seems to be some kind of pressure I would put on myself.

Anyway, it was an eventful weekend and I finally got my wisdom tooth extracted out! It didn't hurt but there was a big hole with a pool of blood in it. Sigh. I read that I'm just supposed to take soft food. But seriously, how can a food lover be tortured like that? So I just ate! Haha... I wished God never gave us teeth to begin with. :)

If Love was as simple as a box of chocolates~

L-O-V-E is such a simple 4 letters word, yet it's so complicated.

My name is kim sam soon


Yup, after such a long week, I caught up with a few episodes of My Name is Kim Sam Soon. Left with only 2 more episodes.

While watching this, I was also thinking about this word Love.

9 things I learnt about LOVE
1. If you want to end it, then don't even start
2. Don't jump into one without looking where you're heading
3. Split legs are never a comfortable situation to be in
4. It's better to stay as friends than lovers, because lovers may end, but friends are forever.
5. The grass is never greener on the other side, why not stay and appreciate what you have in your own field
6. No one is ever perfect, so don't keep thinking the other guy is better
7. Love is about working things out and being there for one another
8. Don't put too much bets on love, because once broken it will never heal
9. Marriage is the death of Love

As for point no. 9, I am still figuring that out. My girl friend's marriage is now on the rocks 4 months after the wedding bells. I never quite gave much thought about marriage because I think it's just a trend people love getting into and out of it as well.

I became sober after listening to the woes of my girl friend and I realised that all those chunk of Korean dramas I love watching are just part of my little fantasy. It does happen to us when we just started dating but things begin to fizzle out one year into a relationship. And that is when the challenge comes. When 2 step into marriage, they are in a different game all together. You have to start tolerating each other's sleeping habits, living habits and some irksome flaw of your the other half. You fight, you quarrel and you scream... the result... it really depends.

Maybe L-O-V-E is not that a great thing after all...